NOTE: wrote this earlier today. Please keep in mind that this is not to be taken literally. And no, this is not about a boy, or any true-to-life romance.
When I try to eat the things I once loved I remember you. In my solitaire wanderings I dream of fabricated memoirs and real ones—the limited; the confined.
I move through the day on bare feet every step is a sharp pain that only worsens with time. I’m spinning in place vision merging with visions— the actual things and the imaginings. Everywhere I go, you’re there.
You’ve become this lingering scent of something ironic, like weddings and funerals. I’m looking for you in a world where you no longer exist.
Slowly I feel my sanity redefined my mind rusting and heart growing stale with open endings lacking of closure.
God, I’m tired of crying out to You. I’m being honest and only voicing what You already know.
I’m tired of crying out with no response. I know people tell me to wait. I know You tell me to wait. I need to wait for Your timing. I need to hold on, that somehow this should strengthen…
I don’t know if I’m tumblr-illiterate or if I’m really not allowed to comment on this post. But I want you to know, Jessica (is this your name? :) hehe), that I read this “long post no one is going to read” and was so deeply moved by your words.
I’ve never witnessed someone be so honest. What you’ve said in this entry is so sincere and heartfelt—so vulnerable and lost. I believe it to be a brave thing, what you did. :)
And I’m certain that God loves you. God loves you so much He allowed me to stumble across your post from half way around the world. Coincidence is God-orchestrated. :) He loves you. He hears you. And He’s in Your heart.
I know you don’t know me. And I don’t know you. But we both love and are loved by One God.
After having watched DINIG SANA KITA (a film directed by Mr. Mike Sandejas), I was suddenly reminded of the very first song I ever learned on guitar. :) Back then, I played horribly. Now, I play… quite normally. :)) hahaha
I got my jee-tar and tried it out—wincing at the flat notes and rusty quality. Bleh. I can’t tune my guitar to save my life! :)) But I still try. :P
So, when I have it (almost) in tune, I clamp my lips together—recalling the song’s chords.
After a few more minutes, I gave up and consulted Google. ;) hahaha
*sigh* It feels great to sing old OPM. New OPM—and this is just my personal opinion but…
I think most of today’s popular OPM sort of sounds the same. :| A little less creative. A little more boring. (Sorry)
But then, if we take a trip down memory lane and relive the age of ERASERHEADS! Now, that was something! Something incredible, might I add. :)
Anyway, there’s really no point to this blog post. This is, after all, my nothingblog. :P But allow me to encourage you—because it’s really worth the time and effort:
GO WATCH DINIG SANA KITA OR ANY OTHER INDEPENDENT FILM! Cinemalaya week. Take a break from all the showbiz stereotypes of exasperating drama, too-cheezy romance, worn-out comedy, and horrific horror movies.
Discover, for yourself, the amazing talent of our Filipino Independent Directors.
GO LISTEN TO SOME OLD OPM SONGS! Reminisce about some old highschool days—the gore and glory days! LOL :)
If, like me, college has burned you out too: Refresh. :)
Spend a bit of time to look over your unfinished memoirs.